Slipping into a comma -

Slipping into a comma


Yikes! The merry punster Jim Turley entertains us with some April Fools frivolity

There are 10 kinds of people: those who understand binary and those who don't. In this two-bit world you've got to stay current, keep an open loop, and find the common ground. Conducting highly charged business can lead to intermittent behavior, so pay attention to watt's happening or you'll take it in the shorts. Here's a high-power tale about recovering some precious joules.

I made the circuit and connected with Dottie. She wasn't the well-grounded type. She'd been hanging out with the wrong element; you could tell by the silicon implants. Being Reverse Polish, she was noticeably stack oriented, though.

Told her I needed someone to do a special function for me—potentially with no return. But it's a high-gain project with an infinite queue. I passed her the parameters but got an argument in return.

“I'm all out of cache,” she says.

“Here's 8 bits. Get yourself some Java.”

We devised a schematic and decided to integrate some additional hardware and #include a little extra force. She had a pointer to Spike, a big-endian guy, good at thrashing, with a high hit rate. She knew just where to goto.

We made momentary contact with a source for a car, something under the noise margin to diffuse the coppers. She hooked us up with a Hertz. We were going to charge it but we jacked it instead. Got a big one, too: a mega-Hertz, you might say.

We took the least-recently used path, over the Wheatstone Bridge by a flowing current to the address on her scratchpad, 1001 Byte Lane. After a couple of loops and a bit of reversal we ended up by the ports, on the peripheral edge of town.

Passing through a gate by an open collector we were first in, first out. Spike's pad was no core dump but a surprisingly clean room, a real class 100 facility. Germaniums and sea moss planted outside and everything. A real fab place, with new gold wiring and a current sink and drain. Not a chip anywhere. The guy sure wasn't foundering. This place wasn't for work; it was pure play.

Spike seemed like a real loose wire without a lot of intellectual property. When we entered his domain he was doing lines of code. It had really gotten him amped up. He offered to share but we said no, we needed to preserve our memory. Poor guy's probably bipolar, too.

I inducted something about their associative relationship. It wasn't all commutative; there was some branch history between them and they'd forked a long time ago. Spike was always interface. “How often am I supposed to call without a return” she interrupted. He popped off something recursive in reply. She flipped a significant digit.

Spike was RISC-averse, negating all the logic in our schematic plan. I didn't expect so much resistance; filtered input just didn't register with him. We wanted to get something in the pipeline but he kept stalling. Dottie and Spike swapped arguments while I bit-twiddled my arm's thumbs.

We couldn't close the loop and get him integrated onboard so I pulled the plug. The whole system crashed and Spike evicted us with a dirty line about fully associative operators. Hey, thanks for the direct feedback. In the final listing, I guess execution was just predicated on too many variables. It was up and running, then gone in a flash—just another memory. Close brackets.

Reader Response

I'm not sure which one of us is the bigger geek.

You because you wrote this article, or me because I caught all the references.

Thanks for the diversion…now back to my Assembly code.


Jim Turley responds:
I'll wear it as a badge of honor. 😉

Unfortunately, Write Only Memory chips are no longer a production item. However, they are easily simulated in software to any size required.

Happy April!

Bob Bailey

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